I’ve reached an age in which the phrase above ONLY connotes one thing – a marriage wedding. Some of my friends have already had their weddings while others are going through the process of planning right now. There’s a bunch of talk about the various elements – the venue, guest list, and even when the bachelor party will be – because that’s what happens when you get engaged. But action is REALLY taken until a date is decided upon.

There are probably 2 types of engagements – A) things happen relatively quick and the couple has the wedding within 2 years and B) there’s no real rush and the wedding happens eventually but after 2 years pass. Now without passing judgment on either of these options, I can see how certain circumstances have resulted both. In the case of A, think of say, a SPAS-12 (my favorite shotgun in COD:MW2). In the case of B, there’s a certain comfort in knowing the marriage is the next step for this couple – perhaps while they save up some money for the big day AND/OR to get the parental “heat” off their backs while they live together…in sin.

(Again, no judgments here…just sayin’ =P)

This is EXACTLY like producing a film project. In this case the wedding is the shoot and the engagement is pre-production. (NOTE: Though I haven’t had a wedding of my own, but from what I’ve heard from friends and other random  people, it’s just a hectic day when all the planning goes out the window and you just kind of wing it on the day. It just flies by and you only remember bits and pieces until you see the photos after the fact. Now tell me – how is this NOT a film shoot?!)

I suppose there’s also a third type of engagement – the one that never materializes into a wedding. Let’s take case #1

THE IDEA
KAI music video (circa 2001 or 2002)

I can laugh about this now and this serves as a perfect example of this third type. I remember meeting at the Borders in Union Landing with Eric, AC, and Aaron, a friend from school. We had a song, concept, and a list of various things we had (or could get) and needed like locations, equipment, manpower. In fact, we had even devoted some time to cruise SF to check out potential locations we would use. We wanted to shoot a segment on Pier 39 and at the BART Station in Union City (we gotsta keep it real, son!).

WHAT WENT WRONG
I suppose this is like a young couple getting engaged too early – the couple that thinks engagement will save them from the relationship perils of going away to college. Next thing you know, the fiancee appears on a Girls Gone Wild video (and not even the Snoop Dogg one) after a Spring Break gone wrong. The engagement is over and at best, you have a good story with some laughs.

But in all seriousness, with this project, We were inexperienced and had no real experience producing anything. And I don’t even know if we realized this at the time. I only know this because of my short time working on an ACTUAL set. Could you imagine trying to get a permit to shoot in SF? Back then, I’d probably be ballsy enough to steal a shot, but that’s because I didn’t know any better.

I think back then it was just fun to TALK about doing a project like this -  something other than paying dues at an entry-level job or finishing up that bacherlor’s degree. It felt like we were making our “dreams come true.”

Case #2

THE IDEA
Fil’s Mime Project (late 2009 – ????)

My friend and co-worker Fil (whose full name is Phillip, yet insists on spelling his shortened name with an “F” and writes feature articles on Sci-Fi films for Lock, Stock and 2 Film Geeks) had sent a script around some of the usual suspects with thoughts about shooting something. Fil is a CSULB guy along with Goux and Al-Jay so it was cool that this gang was getting back together to work on something post-college. I’ve been on a few sets with the CSULB crew thanks to Al-Jay and I’ve definitely enjoyed working with these cats – reminded me of the good ol’ Cogs days with Michael Dougan and his cohorts.

The script is a fun little short and I know it’d be fun to work on. I’d come on as a gaffer for Al-Jay and seeing as we’re getting in sync with our lighting flow, I know we would’ve lit some pretty stuff…well, in relation to our budget anyway.

WHAT WENT WRONG
The latest I’ve heard is Fil got in a car accident (thankfully, he’s ok) and all the budget is potentially tied up in costs for repairs or for a new mode of transportation (get a Vespa, Fil! If you know Fil, it’d be pretty badass if he rocked one of those.)

Maybe the car accident is akin to a bachelor party gone wrong in which the guy runs off with a Cambodian stripper. Somehow, he thinks he’s in love and wants to prove it by helping her pay for medical school and raising her 2-yr old son.

But this happens. ALL. THE. TIME. Especially in this industry. Money disappears because life (or an investor) throws you a curveball. And just like that, the wedding’s off. Or the short never gets shot.

I’m not in anyway saying Fil’s short will never happen. This isn’t the third type of engagement, like I mentioned above. It’s just on hold for now, which makes it probably the second type. This seems to happen with many of my projects…hell most of them, actually. And when I get that phone call with a date, for sure I’ll be there…thirty minutes early…waiting for my hot courtesy breakfast!

But the lesson in all of this is to SET A DATE. Because once you set a date, the wedding or shoot WILL happen – whether you’re ready or not.

My fatal flaw is my lack of discipline – or laziness. I don’t think I’d describe myself as lazy although I wouln’t really put up a fight if someone made that argument. When I get into something that has a clear and non-self-imposed deadline, then for sure I’ll work hard.

Maybe it’s lack of passion? I think I’m a passionate guy. At least it comes off that way when I talk about things. But in terms of my “art” or “creativity” and stuff like that, I could never figure out why it comes in waves. I know some people are just born with an insatiable hunger to create. Whether it’s drawing, painting, writing, playing music, dancing, filmmaking, whatever – they just need to do it.

Me? Yeah, I like doing these things, but I wouldn’t say I go crazy if I didn’t. There was a stretch of time when I was doing a lot of creative work (writing and directing for the stage) with Bindlestiff Studio and I can’t express how rewarding and validating that experience was for me. But since then, two relocations have kind of put me in sporadic touch with my creative side. Sure, I mention things here and there. Like I’ll start jotting some notes for a new short, or music video treatment, or even toy around with the plot points of old feature script. But I’ve never really had the discipline to finish it all the way through.

I suppose you can infer that my behavior with my own creative endeavors somehow paint a larger picture about my life in general, but I think that could be saved for another post.

But does this make me less of an “artist” – the fact that I can only manage to be creative in spurts? Am I afflicted with some form of ADD that causes me to jump to the next activity (creative or otherwise) that interests me? Back in high school I used to breakdance and DJ a little bit. Of course, this is back in high school so it’s easy to get caught up in these hobbies when you’re doing it with your friends. Every now and again, I’ll have a chance to jump on some turntables and mix for a while. It’s fun…even if you’re only to a crowd of 1-2…and ruining Rilo Kiley by mixing it with “Ice Ice Baby.” [ask Tess, she'll vouch for that]

More recently, I’ve been putting in some QT with the Playstation 3. In the past 2 months, I’ve been devoting hours upon hours into playing video games – an activity I haven’t engaged in for years. And yes, I could probably stand to do more important things with my time – like go to the gym or write or whatever. But who’s to say exactly which of these activities is more valuable? Who assigns the value on these things? I mean, I should do the things I do because I enjoy them, right? Like if you enjoy spending your day off watching a Jersey Shore (a show I have never seen, mind you) marathon, that’s your prerogative, right? That’s fine and dandy, but I WILL make fun of you and comment about your willingness to perpetuate the slow decay of humankind. Just as you can tease me for clocking in 4, yes FOUR days worth of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

But my interests over the years have fluctuated in intensity. This is why I’ve owned (and sold) a set of Technics SL1200s with a Vestax 06-PRO, a Canon GL-1, and TWO sets of drums. Now the items I still own – golf clubs and 2 snowboards and a Nikon D40X. But at least two of these items aren’t getting any love right now due to financial hardship.. For the record, I will be keeping the PS3…because it pretty much does everything.

Ok, back to my point…I know that my creativity may be dormant now, but I kind of feel the magma brewing. I put too much pressure on myself to produce something over the past year. When the time’s right, it’ll happen…or so I tell myself. I see a bunch of old friends and guys I’ve met on film setsposting pictures and updates of recent projects. Some of them are doing big things now and some of them are doing things that aren’t as big…but they ARE doing something. It’s of inspiring me to do the damn thing again. I do feel I’m still a ways off from ‘greenlighting’ something, but I have a feeling the tides are shifting again…at least until I prestige in COD:MW2!

Just kidding…or am I? MUWAHAHAHA

…but I can’t stand them:

Ugly Glasses
Over-sized specs are the hip thing now, and I’ve seen a few really cool pairs of large-lensed glasses. But man, these were ugly back then and they’re certainly ugly now. Perhaps even more so since they’re associated with hipster douches and douchettes.
Ok, so which company promotes and perpetuates commercial hipster douchery more: American Apparel or Urban Outfitters?

[for the record, I've never been inside of an American Apparel store and in the past, I've scored some pretty good (cheap) finds in the clearance section of Urban]

Ugly Low-cut V-neck T-shirts on Guys
For the same hipster douchery reasons I’ve provided above, there’s just no way this looks cool. I don’t mind v-neck t-shirts on girls because at least you get a bit of a show, but for guys? I mean I’ll either see a pasty white sunken chest like this dude in the picture or some unwieldy chest hair.

There’s also something very disturbing about seeing the contours of the neck and collarbone of waif-like dudes.

…and now for ugly things I don’t mind so much.

Nissan Cube
This car is like Helena Bonham Carter – not classically pretty, but something about her turns me on. I don’t really know why I’m intrigued by this strange vehicle, especially since the back is asymmetrical and really ugly. I’ve never seen the inside or taken it for a test drive. It’s just one of those cars that seems to make a statement – like when the VW New Beetle or PT Cruiser came out. Of course, those cars seem to be dated now and imagine what this bad boy would look like in about 5 years. Although the Honda Element, which was another strange-looking car during its initial release seems to be doing pretty well.

Michelle Rodriguez
Probably a questionable entry, but I was really turned off by Michelle Rodriguez before. She was practically a man in Blue Crush and when The Fast and the Furious came out, she was unofficially crowned the Champion of Everything Unsexy. She has since been dethroned by Sandra Oh, who will probably hold that post for a LONG time.

But I think age and maturity have looked favorably on the raspy-voiced Michelle. [NOTE: Raspy voices can either exacerbate unsexiness or enhance it - it has worked in both ways in this case] And for some reason, she looked REALLY good in Avatar. Of course you can’t really go wrong with military chicks in wifebeaters.

Come to think of it, James Cameron does seem to have mannish female characters in his films (Vasquez in Aliens and of course, Sarah Connor in T:2) And I suppose this is why she was cast in Avatar. But man, I can’t explain it. This role should’ve cemented her place as the undisputed Unsexy Champion. I mean, she won’t crack any top 10 lists, but you can’t deny that she looks pretty good in this pic.

So Michelle Rodriguez. I commend you for your transformation. I no longer associate you with the ONLY character in Blue Crush (a film about surfer chicks) who wore frumpy-ass board shorts.

from the Wikipedia entry:

Selling out” refers to the compromising of one’s integrity, morality and principles in exchange for money, success or other personal gain. It especially refers to the attempt to increase social appeal or acceptability through this compromising. The person who acts in this way is referred to as a “sell out.

My friend Chris from NY – with whom I worked on a few Jon Fordham projects – is in town to 1st AC a low budget indie film. He crashed at my pad for a few nights and we had a little bit of time to catch up – see what’s been up with each other and how the rest of the gang back doing the film hustle are doing. The conversation shifted focus to what I’ve been doing the past year and what things will look like from here on out.

Now I’ve been very open on this forum about this topic, but I’ve only really discussed it with a couple of my film friends from the “old world.” There was a certain disappointment in his voice when I mentioned that it’s likely I’d be leaving the fellowship of freelance film professionals. He has known many creative folks who made the choice to leave the hustle for a lifestyle that would provid a bit more financial stability. Chris mentioned many of these guys had the intention of getting back in the game once things were handled. And to no one’s surprise, many haven’t come back. While he understood that people need to reshuffle priorities, I think he fears that people who make this decision are closing the book.

Chris is a good guy. He’s a great technician and has aspirations – like many people in the film industry – to write and direct. He realizes that he deals with crappy rates and uninspiring AC jobs are just the means to the eventual end of producing his own projects. But unlike me, Chris could never be a desk monkey. Because I’ve done it in the past, I don’t mind it. In most cases, I actually like it! I know I can excel in the corporate hustle which would not only provide me with the relative financial stability which has eluded me over the past 3 years, but can give me the means to support my passions (snowboarding and movies). He couldn’t see that I’m doing the same thing as he is – our methods of obtaining a paycheck just differ.

I assured him that there’s still a hunger and thirst for me produce my own projects. But I don’t need to be working in the biz to do it. Chris contends that being on the sidelines (working on sets day in and day out) keeps the fires burning for pursing his own projects. I feel that. But I know that though my motivation wanes here and there, that desire to tell stories and make movies will always be there. Besides, I have friends that won’t ever let me stop creating – friends like Chris, Jon, Albert, Chuck, Dave, Emory and Tess.

While I enjoyed most of this series, I always wonder – much like Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles – what could’ve been. Throughout its 2 season run, there have been some gems, some lumps of coal, and a whole lot of mediocrity. I especially liked how it built some momentum at the end of first season which carried into most of the second season. The unaired “Epitaph One” episode was probably arguably the best and served as the framework for how the second season wrapped up. I wish Fox could’ve aired Epitaph One for audiences that didn’t rush out to buy/rent the Dollhouse season 1 DVD (I mean, if we we watched it week-to-week, why would we?)

I can’t help but feel a bit unfulfilled. It was building to a solid finale with episodes “The Attic” and “Getting Closer” where you learn what exactly Caroline knows. There were some great payoffs here and some great reversals with Adele DeWitt and Dr. Saunders/Whiskey. All this made for entertaining television until the final two episodes “The Hollow Men” and “Epitaph Two: Return” were ultimately underwhelming.

In “The Hollow Men,” revealing Boyd as the mastermind behind everything was interesting but I felt his reasoning was glazed over too quickly. I get the sense the wrtiers felt there was enough ambiguity with his character’s background to pull a stunt like this, but didn’t give the audience enough time to put it together without having long expository scenes. It would’ve been nice to see that story unfold over three episodes.

There was an especially unwatchable scene in this episode between Paul Ballard and Mellie/November. It’s a crime that Tammoh Penniket (Helo from BSG) can still get roles where he has to emote. He is just horribly bad in this scene. (I remain convinced that the the less Ballard and Echo in an episode, the better it really is)

I really wish I watched “Epitaph One” again before “Epitaph Two: Return.” In fact, I think it probably should’ve been a 2-hour episode – or 90 minutes, at least. Whenever you flash forward a few years, you can’t just expect the audience to swallow all the changes that have occurred. With “Epitaph One,” the focus was on the tech. In this one, not only do you have to focus on the tech, but also create resolutions for all the characters. But to do that, you have to show what these characters have been doing up until you moved ahead in the timeline. Sure, they got the point across with some exposition and you can follow the story, but I suppose I felt I was owed a bit more. I would’ve liked to see the deterioration of Sierra and Victor’s relationship. I would’ve loved to see Echo’s inability to show affection towards Ballard. I would’ve loved to see Topher’s steady decline into madness. There were some scenes in the finale with emotion at the core, but without solid context, you will not connect with the audience.

I suppose this is what happens when you find out you only have so many episodes left before you’re done. You have to take shortcuts to tie up the loose ends AND give the characters the resolution they should get. And I suppose this is why I can’t help but think of what could’ve been with this show. It is what it is, so they say.

But all in all, it was a pretty good run. With the exception of Echo and Ballard, I’m sure the actors will find better jobs – specifically Enver Gjokaj (Victor) who steals every scene when he’s imprinted with Topher Brink, Dichen Lachman (Sierra/Priya) who really showed her chops when they did the Priya backstory episode (Belonging)*, and Olivia Williams (Adele DeWitt) who admirably played ruthless and motherly at the same time.

* Belonging was directed by Jonathan Frakes of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame. This was probably one of the best-directed episodes of television I’ve seen in a LONG time. Performances were great and there was an excellent use of motifs and imagery that you rarely notice in episodic and serialized TV today.